Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
