Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So many bounce houses so little time
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
