Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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