Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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