After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
