I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
