And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
