i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
