sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Drake has all the answers
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
