You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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