Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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