Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
