I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
