I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
