how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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