i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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