He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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