Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
