i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
