oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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