as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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