found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
