i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
