When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
