He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize