you guys were way drunker than both of me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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