You smell like a Billy Joel song
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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