The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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