this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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