I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize