I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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