Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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