I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
