Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
