I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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i out mim tonsoeep
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
