remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
