So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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