I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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