and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
