Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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