Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize