You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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