no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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