You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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