You were right. It hurts to walk today.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
