its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
