my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
