I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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