i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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