i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize