So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
