I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
