brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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