One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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