So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I will pee on everything he values.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
