Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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