If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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