I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
