Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
