well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
