hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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