Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
