UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
