The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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