Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
